However (Un)likely

It occurs as a natural state of the human condition: occasionally conceiving the self to be incredulously (un)fortunate; for ones life to be more (un)believably (un)pleasant than anyone else’s, however illogical in the face of abundant evidence to the contrary. Why Me? - You might call it.

The issue with Why Me? is the challenge to ones own, not to mention everyone else’s, experience of reality. The realisation (un)luckier people exist undermines the sentiment, leaving on the one hand a crushed ego, and on the other hand - a crushed ego.

Yet feeling outrageously (un)happy, however incredible, however un(avoidable), seems to belong to our emotional strata. I could conceivably be mistaken…only a number confess; interpersonal encounter on top of intuition reveals we all believe we are ‘number one’ on occasion - we’ve said the most (un)intelligent thing that’s ever been said, or behaved in a supremely (un)stylish manner. The quicker we get over it the better usually, for a sensible conclusion on the matter. The state of feeling surreally (un)satisfied with ones lot, although highly (un)arguable, might be as inevitable as night follows day. And what is wrong with being number one in the world anyway? You are, aren’t you? Why Me? Why Not? - I might call it.

If an inflated ego is inescapable, is it then (un)tenable? An ego can be squashed only where one exists. Feeling special becomes the ego with the ego’s introduction, and what is the ego? Self-importance assumed, conditional on a misconception and at variance with the data. If you think you’re it - then it is challenged - is everybody else it and you’re not, or neither? Wherein lies the ego, character formed out of thoughts, which sometimes talks, and sometimes latches onto the notion it’s the only one who is right/wrong; a testimony begging to be proved (un)sound.

What’s so bad about getting carried away with the idea you are, or are decidedly not the bees knees? Is the ego related to the drive to succeed? Or is the grand scheme (or whatever it is) rooted in the concept that arrival at a destination is not, in some sense, an option? A flight of fantasy might be, but a real world is the site of operations. Actual - dare I say factual - events. I might find it hilarious to entertain the idea I am terrifically ahead of the game, but…a joke is a joke.

God knows what’s going on (that’s an expression.) The statement is conditional on an assumption, from my point of view (but it wouldn’t be from a god’s). I think I know I’m uniquely un(impressive) sometimes - it’s literally the case, still to dwell on it is to gloss over the external world, the sensorially accessible ‘felt presence of immediate experience’, ‘real life’, whatever you want to call it; sights, sounds, sensations, the objective with which one is subjectively involved. To ‘know’ is ordinarily achievable, but theoretically impossible, because it can be tested unto certainty.

Knowledge is thus by nature conclusive…but in the absence of any journey of understanding, facts outrun their interest value. Or else investigations into the truth would be concluded from the very beginning (and dull at the outset).

The learning curve has a trajectory. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn…till I learn the truth is an (un)utterable conclusion.

Egotism is the tip of an iceberg of conceit; the conscious realisation of a rolling snowball of (un)recognisable self-confidence; and whether it melts into water, or smashes into flakes, proves itself to be a construct of the psyche, a transient substance, as (un)convincing as a conversation with a reflection on a frozen lake.

Why Me? begs the question, by entertaining a solipsistic circumstance; one might just as well reject the evidence of the senses and say ‘the real world doesn’t exist.’ A sense of irony on the subject is carriage to a resolution - to wake up to the truth is to burst the bubble of the ego, with a giggle or a tear…and discover the dream…was only a dream…mind you a dream is still a dream…

however (un)likely - I’ll call it.



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